Report start time . . . 20:25
Men . . . This is my 1st match report and I have to say that it will probably be pretty shit! . . . You can rest assured that it will have taken me at least 2 hours and Rooth (the Mrs) will have corrected it a minimum of twice and got pissed off with me asking “what do I do with it now?” . . . she gets that a lot!
To the game . . .
We nearly had no kit as it was still in my spare room at the meet time . . . but once the logistics were taken care of we warmed up pretty well . . . Bert was full of encouragement and generally upbeat . . . Line up announced and Bert must have looked through the Cuckfield Cosmos archives and seen that I regularly notched for the under 12’s sticking me up top . . . I was pretty excited by this and looking forward to an afternoon goal hanging! A look around the dressing room and it was clear we had a strong side out . . . All was going well until Willy pulled an eyelash after 10 and had to be subbed . . . Noles came on up front and I slotted in at centre back . . . a transition reminiscent of Paul Warhurst or the heavily underrated Chris Sutton . . .
I have to say the 1st half was pretty poor and the only thing that saved us was that they were poorer . . . We went in 3 – 1 up but didn’t really deserve it . . . a well finished O G started the scoring but even that failed to get us going . . . the fact it was a cup quarter final and a place in the semi was at stake seemed to be lost on all of us . . .
The other goals came from Noles, who rose like a migrating salmon to nod home a pin point cross delivered 1st class from the Crown Prince of Brussels.
And Lusky, who charged down a clearance with his abdominals and tapped home . . .
We also conceded when Gards got megged . . . to be fair he couldn’t have stopped a pig in an alleyway with the jockeying stance he took up . . . I missed a lunging tackle through a combination of no pace and poor positional sense and their guy squared for a tap in.
And then . . . . . . .
HALF TIME . . . . . .
The Hairdryer . . .
We got separated into those on the naughty step and those on the not so naughty step! I don’t think there was much in it to be fair . . . Bert unleashed into a Fergie/Cloughie style telling off . . . we were lucky no one had left their spare boots on the changing room floor. . . it was well delivered . . . although I’m sure I remember Bert using the phrase “ MAN UP WILL YA” while slapping skip on the chest??? A truly wonderful homo erotic moment . . . either that or Bert’s got Glee on series link. . . Followed by a change at right full back.
The 2nd half was a lot better and we drew it 1 – 1 (go figure) . . . We started to look like we fancied it a bit . . .
Dairy was vocal from the back, alert and kicked well.
Gards closed his legs.
Shorty was inhaling their forwards.
Sarlo was solid and immaculately tidy.
Skip led his men.
George played like he did the week before.
Cheggers used the ball with maximum efficiency.
Mrs Ivey didn’t show this week but Will was there and looking sharp.
Noals buzzed around looking for the hat-trick.
Lusky came out looking a different player and was gravy 2nd half.
Other incidents included a red card for their skipper, it was a bad tackle but he didn’t seem like that sort of player. Good strength from Noles and respect to the Ref as on another day it could have been a lot worse for Noles . . . Lusk’s peno was easily saved and no reflection on his performance . . . They scored after I tried to play our line on the edge of their box, came charging out when at that stage there was no need and we were coping at the back, he was offside anyway . . . Shorty got bitch slapped, I think the bloke must have been on day release, or blind! I also picked up a disappointing booking for a bit of handbags which is not in the Cuckfield spirit, confirmed when I looked at the disciplinary table on the web site . . . a table I don’t want to finish top of but fear I just might! . . . I do reckon Bert’s handbag is bigger than mine though after the touchline scuffle! . . . “You Go Girlfriend!” x
In the next round I suggest using the motivation of a cup final ‘day out’ and the mother of all White Harte post game booze ups . . . it would be massive! And an occasion we would all love . . . so let’s smash up the semi’s and book that open top bus tour of Cuckfield and surrounding villages . . . we could even stop at O Square for de Bru!
A pleasure men
Thank you
Finished 22:08 |
